He has just told me
The first thing he needs is to feel believed, not questioned.
If a man has just disclosed sexual abuse, the way you respond matters. You do not need to ask every question. You do not need to understand everything straight away. The most helpful response is to stay calm, believe him, and let him move at his own pace.
What may be happening for him
He may feel ashamed, exposed, frightened, numb, angry or unsure why he told you.
He may also worry that you will see him differently.
What you can say
I believe you.
I'm really sorry that happened to you.
You don't have to tell me everything.
I'm here with you.
I don't see you differently.
What would feel helpful right now?
Thank you for trusting me.
What not to say
Why didn't you tell someone earlier?
Are you sure?
But that was years ago.
You need to get over it.
I know exactly how you feel.
You have to report it.
Why didn't you fight back?
What helps right now
Stay calm.
Believe him.
Let him control how much he shares.
Do not push for details.
Do not touch him unless you ask first.
Thank him for trusting you.
Ask what he needs in this moment.
Let silence be okay.
The first response is not about getting the full story. It is about helping him feel believed and safe.
If you are worried he is not safe right now,
Go to: I'm worried about his safety →