I'm a partner and I'm struggling too

Loving a survivor can be meaningful, but it can also be confusing, lonely and painful at times. You are allowed to need support too.

What you may be feeling

rejected

helpless

scared

lonely

shut out

guilty

frustrated

unsure what is yours to carry

afraid of saying the wrong thing

emotionally tired

Important message

His trauma is not your fault.

His healing is not your job to control.

You can support him, but you cannot become his therapist.

Questions to ask yourself

Am I supporting him or trying to fix him?

Do I have support outside this relationship?

Am I allowed to have my own feelings?

Are we both safe?

Do we need professional support?

Am I carrying this alone?

Am I losing myself while trying to help him?

What may help

Speak to your own counsellor.

Learn about trauma without making him teach you everything.

Keep healthy boundaries.

Have support outside the relationship.

Make room for your own grief and needs.

Remember that compassion does not mean self-abandonment.

Talk to someone safe, trusted and appropriate.

Support for you

If you are supporting a survivor, you are allowed to have support too. You do not have to wait until things fall apart before speaking to someone.

If you feel overwhelmed or at breaking point

Lifeline Australia 13 11 14

24/7 crisis support. If life is in danger, call 000.

If you need support around sexual assault, domestic or family violence

1800RESPECT 1800 737 732

24/7 counselling, information and support.

If he needs men's counselling support

MensLine Australia 1300 78 99 78

24/7 telephone and online counselling support for men.

If trauma is affecting you or the relationship

Blue Knot Foundation 1300 657 380

Trauma support, information and referral. Available 7 days, 9 am–5 pm AEST/AEDT.

See full Australian support list →

Standing beside him does not mean disappearing from yourself.

If you are worried he is not safe right now,

Go to: I'm worried about his safety →